The surgery

It's been quite uneventful these past few days which is good ...but quite boring. I've been finding myself munching on everything this past weekend. We had chinese, KFC and I just had to try those new Mega m&m's. It was a fat fest.
But, on a good note.....Now that I have endulged...it's out of my system. I can go on for years and not eat another chocolate covered peanut.

It's fuckin' freezing today. Minus 20 with the windchill. It's even cold in the office this morning. It's day's like this where I wished I had worn my sweats and stayed under the bed covers.

I look hot today. I'm wearing my high black boots, black dress pants, tight baby blue tank top and my short black jacket. This particular jacket is new. I just bought it last weekend at Reitmans for $14.00. It was supposedly marked down from $60.00. I think someone at the store made a mistake. I'm happy none-the-less. It's not everyday that I find a great deal like that.

I spoke to Ben yesterday and he faxed me all the required documents for my scheduled April 27 & 28th proceedure. Yes. I've decided to go ahead with the small cosmetic surgery. Apparently, I have to take a blood test and give the doctor a heafty deposit before all this can start. Now I know why he has marble floors in his office.

You wouldn't be able to tell by looking but I have been born and blessed with my parents hair genes which has left me with a thin spot on my head. It's bothered me for years and I know it's genetic because my mom and both my sisters suffer with the same blessed spot. I've been able to cover it well but have found myself in the position where I don't want to fuck with it anymore. I want to fix this problem where I don't have to worry about it anymore. Funny, when I spoke to my sisters about having the procedure done they were thinking of doing it for years. My oldest sister was expecially interested but said something that I should have been offended by. She said, "I was thinking of doing it too but since you're planning on it first....you be the guinnea pig and let me know how it turns out."
Yeah...I have the biggest mouth in Toronto because I should have never told her in the first place. I never told Pete that I had told her and what she said to me. He would have flipped.

The proceedure would consist of a 3,000 graft hair transplant from Dr. Seager. He's the best in his field and I have so much respect and trust in this man when it comes to his professionalism. He has a terrific reputation and apparently one of 4 doctors who specialize in transplanting in all of North America. Ben is his nephew who had also had the proceedure done and looks amazing. He works there as a salesman/assistant and has the cutest english accent. You could never tell from his photos that he had ever had a transplant done. It's normally done in one day but since I had opted for the lesser price, he booked a two day procedure with his Orange team. Normally, Dr. Seager's team have been working there for 15yrs and every so often find themselves hiring new people who have only been on the job for a year or so. That's the team who will be working on me. That's why it's 1/2 the cost. But, he assures me that Dr. S will be there to supervise so there's no need to worry about a poor job.

Am I nervous? No shit sherlock. There have been days of research and some sleepless nights trying to decide if this would be worth me going through, worth the money and worth the aggravation. They say it's painless but I don't care what anyone says, when anyone pokes holes in your body, it's gonna hurt.

Anyway. That's the gist of it. Nothing serious. More of a vanity issue than anything. Anyone want to talk me out of it before I lay the money down feel free to do so anytime.

Trin

Oh happy day!

Umm....maybe I should pig out more often...lol Just kidding!
I actually lost 1/2 lb even after the 2 showers and a cookie/chocolate binge. It's probably due to the fact that I've added one more day of cardio during the week.

I know what you're thinking. What's 1/2 a pound? Well, when you're in my situation and the scale keeps telling you week after week that your weight hasn't changed, that 1/2 lb must mean a break in plateau which can only mean that I'm on the right track and I'll be looking forward to days of celebrating more losses.

The appointments went extremely well yesterday. Everything went without a hitch. I had plenty of time to get to both offices but felt very nervous in Dr' S's office. He's sort of a celebrity here...well, first in his field and says I'm a good candidate for this minor surgery. It'll probably cost me about $5,000. Yeah, a small fortune to me but Pete's not concerned about the money. He's such a sweetheart. I think he knows that my little problem bothers me....and if it bothers me then it bothers him.

I still have to think about actually going through with it though. I still have questions that I want answered. I'm planning to call Ben from Dr. S's office to ask him more about it. I'm in no hurry but last night....I couldn't stop thinking about it. It actually kept me awake while lying in bed. Not too many things can make that happen since I'm usually beat when I get under the covers.
Umm...the last time that happened I was fighting the drugs they give patients in labour to help them sleep before they give birth. The nurse asked me why I was still awake and I couldn't help but softly mumble "I'm too excited" as if I was all doped up. lol

The weather's mild today. I just might go out for a walk outside!

Trin

Appointments and Sex Starved Pete....

I took a personal day off tomorrow. I have a couple of appointments to attend one with Dr. Kauffman and the other with Dr. S. for a consultation.

I'm a little bit nervous because I don't know if I'll actually qualify to have the procedure done and what the after effects are. I've already heard some horror stories on-line about some people and it's already scaring me to the point where I don't even want to go to find out.

Anyway, nothing is written in stone...right? Besides, it might even be to costly to even consider. We'll see.

Toni B is all happy. She found herself 2 tickets for James' concert on e-bay. I guess she was determined to get them so she had to pay a bit more but I'm sure it'll be all worth it seeing that the next time James performs here he'll probably sell out the ACC. Massey Hall is more intimate and much smaller. I'm happy for her.

Things on the homefront are well. I think Pete is sex starved though. It's been about a week since we've fooled around and for one reason or another haven't been able to "get together" due to just being so God damned busy. Poor guy. lol It's funny how most women can go without sex while most men can't go a week without it. I think God intended it to be that way though. Women are usually so tired after taking care of the little ones that the last thing on their minds is sex. Can you imagine if women were the ones wanting sex all the time? We'd have to have 30 hr days!

Anywho....I haven't gone into LA today. I figured after missing my Saturday meeting and after the pigfest I had over the weekend due to two showers, I needed to work some of it off. So from now on I'm planning to work out during my lunch hour 4 days a week instead of 3. Besides, they're not helping me more than I've been helping myself anyway.
Friggen useless.

Trin

The weekend from hell....

Looking back on it all seems to be a blur.

It went by so quickly that I can hardly remember it (or is that I'm subconciously trying to block it out of my memory).

Saturday was nice. My mom, sister's and neices all met at this small restaurant in Mississauga for Jo-anne's baby shower. We had a great time just talking...and no, it wasn't a man bashing cluck fest either. It was more a "catching up on lost time" kinda get together. Jo-anne's baby shower wasn't the focus anymore. For me, it was gathering with the family I love most that in normal circumstances never have the chance to get together.
I left feeling rejuvinated and happy. Even though I would have loved my kids to have been there I'm kinda glad I had that free time to myself.

Sunday was a total bore. I didn't know anyone at the bridal shower except my two kids, my mother in law, sister in-law and a couple of Peter's cousins and Aunts. The whole event seemed to drag on for hours...and it did, literally. We arrived at 1:30 and didn't start eating lunch until 3pm. The shower games were so unorganized. Everything had to be repeated 3 times since it had to be translated in Italian, Spanish and English, and it was about 6:30 when they decided to start opening up the gifts. I was inches away from leaving when they announced that the sweet table would be open and that we were allowed to take some cookies to bring home. We basically got home around 7:45pm. Normally, we'd eat lunch, play some games and leave around 5pm. So you can imagine how livid I was as I'm sure everyone was to wait so long.

And, it's not like you can quietly sneek your way outta there when you have two kids with you either. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm going to have work at burning off everything that I ate over the weekend. The food was good at both events. A sinful endulgence....and now ....I'll have to prepare myself for the payoff.

Trin

I will survive!

I am woman! I have survived the Valentine's day pigfest with my dignity intact.

The only thing I was a bit disappointed with was Pete. I honestly thought he would have at least given me a card on V-day. I know we weren't supposed to buy anything for each other since we went to the CN Tower but ....a card with a few of his thoughts would have been nice. I got one for him and had the girls draw hearts and signed their names in it. I put it on the kitchen counter that morning so that he'd have good thoughts for the rest of the day. When I mentioned that it sorta, kinda bothered me that he didn't even get me a card yesterday ...he flipped. He became all defensive and shit. I wonder why I bother opening up my mouth sometimes. Anyway, after a bit of thought, he apologized. I just want him to be a bit more sensitive to what I'm feeling and maybe next time, he just might become a bit more thoughtful.

I feel great today. My legs seemed to be toning up and my waist it a bit trimmer. You know when you've lost weight when you wake up feeling smaller. I haven't started the Take off yet. The take off basically flushes out your system by only eating protiens and veggies and some kind of fruit nectar. I'm planning to save it for Monday and Tuesday since I'm expected at both showers over the weekend. Let the pigfest begin! LOL
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to let these parties ruin anything I've worked so hard to achieve. Nobody better bother asking me why I'm not eating. I could answer back with a rude answer and say "I was saving it for you errr...not that you'd need it." I think I'll be polite and just explain that I don't eat garbage that clogs arteries and leaves you feeling like a stump. See? I could be nice if I wanted to be.

I was supposed to have a session with the therapist today. I cancelled the appointment two days ago because I didn't like the idiot and know that he wouldn't be able to help me more than my dog Nico could.
I do realize what he was trying to tell me last Thursday though. He mentioned something about your own thoughts being your worst enemy. I finally realized that sometimes I get trapped with a single pointless, destructive, sad thought that pulls me under and just dismissing that thought as unreal and meaningless helps me. In retropect, our thoughts determine the way we feel. So, in order to feel good, we have to stop thinking those particular nasty thoughts and dismiss them. I have to practice ignoring them. I have to start keeping myself in the present....the here and now instead of brooding in the past.

Gee wiz....any of you need a psychiatrist? I'm fairly cheap. Just provide me with a cappuccino and I'll be on my way!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Umm...no flowers yet.
I'm shocked. I actually thought Pete would have sent me flowers today. It would have been nice but no big deal.

It's just like any other day to me. The hubby is as romantic as a post. LOL Ok, I'm laughing now but I'm serious. I hope all you women out there cherish your romantic men because you wouldn't want to be in my shoes!

I have a big mouth.
Stella, my sister, called me today to tell me about our cousin (48 yrs old) passing away in Italy in her sleep yesterday. It's ok. We really didn't know her but knew she was mentally ill and her parents and sister had a very hard life taking care of her. I suppose she's in a better place now but I digress....
Stella told me about buying a new computer and about the songs that she lost because her old one crashed. One thing led to another and she mentioned James Blunt and how she just went out to buy his CD because she regretted not saving any of his songs. I mentioned him coming to Massey Hall in March and how the show sold out in 1/2 hour then told her that I got front row tickets and she screamed estatically.
Then I told her I was taking her for her birthday and she almost fainted....lol I really didn't want to spill the beans but it just sorta came out. I couldn't contain myself. I'm sure if I hadn't talked to her it would have remained a secret until her birthday but I just can't fathom the thought of not speaking to her for over a month....lol

I'm glad she's happy about it. She was just happy that I thought of her. What she probably doesn't know is that she's probably as much my saviour as I am hers.

Well, Happy Valentine's day to you all.
People think I'm nuts. I should seriously think about planning my funeral arrangements ahead of time. If it's not too expensive, I think I'll request to have my body encased in dark chocolate. Yumm...better yet, I wish I could drown myself in chocolate. What a perfect ending to my life...lol

Our CN Tower trip....and my mid life crisis

For this year's valentine's day Pete and I decided to do something together with the kids so I picked up tickets to the CN Tower. Funny, the only other time I've ever been there was for dinner on our engagement night. It's a totally different experience during the day especially when you get to stand on the glass floor and go up to the skypod. Lunch was quite expensive but we all had a blast Saturday and took a few pictures with the stupid instant camera I had to buy for $15.00 after I had forgotten to bring my digital. Arrgh! How dumb was that?

The scenery was beautiful. On one side you have the view of the lake which was splendid especially because it was sunny but frosted over because of winter. The other side was the view of the city. Equally beautiful but it seems to lose something during the day. It's much more beautiful at night when all the city lights are twinkling.

I've been thinking of going to Dr. S's office. In fact I made an appointment for next week Wednesday at 1:30pm.
I really don't want to get into detail because nothing had been decided. Talking to Pete about it has been nice. He wasn't judgemental or anything. He just said that if it was going to make me feel better to go ahead and do it.

lol Don't worry...it's nothing as drastic as what you may think. Nothing like breast implants or liposuction. That kind of cosmetic surgery scares me and I wouldn't want to fool with what God has originally given me. It's more like day surgery and one small procedure.

All this got me thinking. Why am I so obsessed with my appearance lately? Well, within the past 3 yrs it's all I've been thinking about. Maybe it's my pre-mid life crisis!? Could it be? I did go out and buy my first tube of facial beauty cream yesterday and a tooth whitener too! Eeegads!

I know what men go through when they go through a mid life crisis. They buy their 2 seater sports cars and ditch their 40 yr old wives for two 20's. lol
But, no...seriously. I just may be going through my mid life crisis! Maybe that's why I need a shrink!

Trin

The God's are smiling down on me today....

First row floors, seats 4 & 5 for James Blunt on March 21 2006!

I realize that they're not the best seats in the house because they're at the left side of the stage but at this point just knowing that it probably sold out in a matter of 30 minutes, I'm thrilled.....damnit, I'm more than thrilled...I'm estatic!!!

But...what fucking stress!!! Holy mother of God! I honestly had people calling on the phone, visitors waiting right in front of me, co-workers needing things all at fucking 10am when the tickets when on sale.

I do feel bad for one of the girls in the office here. Toni and her husband were trying to get tickets as well with no luck. Anna got 3 tickets. 3rd row centre stage...yep, better than mine but her sister got them for her. She was probably at home re-dialing constantly or did what I did - refreshed the page until those tickets became available and then went for them.

I'm bringing Stella (my sister) with me. She doesn't know it yet but I'm giving her a ticket for her birthday on the 12th of March. I'm a much bigger fan than she is but I'm sure she'll just love to get out of the house with me. She deserves it anyway. She doesn't do anything or go anywhere...umpfh....much like me I suppose. She's a great mom and does everything and anything for her kids. I admire her so much. I really hope she enjoys herself...well, I hope we both have a great time!

Trin

Waiting in line...

I feel like I'm waiting in an extremely long line this morning.
The James Blunt tickets are going on sale this morning at 10am ....one hour before all hell brakes loose. I have the strangest feeling I'll either get really lucky and get good seats or I won't get any at all. Those tickets seem to be in very high demand here in Toronto. Everyone and her mother are planning on getting their hands on those tickets.
We'll soon see how lucky I really am.

I've been reading this great book called "Why your life sucks and what you can do about it". Yeah, as soon as I saw this title I couldn't help but grab it.

The first chapter is all about giving your power away. You give your power away when you make someone or something outside of you more important than what is inside of you. You put people on a pedestal. You imitate instead of create. You don't listen to your intuition. You let others choose for you. You think destiny depends on something outside of you.

There was one thing from this chapter that made me really think how sad life really is. I actually highlighted it in bright yellow.
"As sophisticated as our school system is, it still rewards conformity far more than originality."

We're all taught to behave and listen to our teachers in school. If someone came to school with purple hair, it was frowned upon. He'd be looked upon as a freak meanwhile it was his artistic way to be different. I think that was one reason why I absolutely hated catholic school. We were all made to wear the same uniforms and sent to the office for not wearing them properly.

I wasn't a rebel in high school but just wanted to show my originality in my own way. I wanted to be me and wearing the kilt and white shirt and tie wasn't me.

It wasn't until that year was over that I felt more comfortable. My sister and I switched schools and went to a public school that was not very well known for it's academic achievments but at least we were who we were meant to be. Ourselves.

The world is changed not by those who do what has been done before them, but by what has been done inside them. - Just some inspirational words to leave you with today.

Trin

May's spay...

Well, today's the day we take away May's right to reproduce. Yep, she's at the vet being sliced up as I write. Poor thing. Pete will be happy tonight though cause she'll have to stay overnight and he won't have to see her act all mental around the house. lol Yep, she runs from one end of the house to another for no God damned reason what so ever. That's just the puppy in her. Thankfully, she's not nipping at Nico so much anymore. Nico's such a good dog too. He just takes it.

I'd like a Big Mac and a large coke. It's not too often that I say those words but that's what I feel like saying right about now.

I don't know what's wrong with my appetite lately. I've been so hungry and craving things I haven't had in a very long time. Like, a Big Mac or chicken wings....a big slice of pumkin pie (and I don't even like pumpkin pie!)

I'm not pregnant so you can rule out that possibility. Maybe it's a chemical change within my body that's causing this sudden urge for the nastys. I dunno.

I was feeling a bit down last night due to my all my hard work at trying to lose these last 15lbs. It's so unbelievably hard. I'd be on plan and doing well all week and then something comes up like a birthday or Pete will want to order some pizza and it seems like the smell alone will bring my weight to a screetching halt. I should be happy that I'm not gaining but it's not very encouraging to be working so hard and not see any results.

I've been very guilty of mind neglect. I'm planning on going to Chapters bookstore on my lunch hour today and ditch the exercise session. I know .....I shouldn't, but I think my brain needs some exercise more than my body does at this point in time. Maybe I'll even treat myself to a non-fat cappuccino since I'm there right beside Starbucks. Whoever thought of putting a Starbucks right inside the Chapters bookstore must have been a genius. It seems everytime I'm there, it's packed with people trying to get their rush of caffeine while reading the latest Stephen King novel.

I called Danica's school today to get my hands on a registration package for Juliana. She'll apparently be starting school in September of this year. My does time fly.
The problem I'm having there is that her classes are only 1/2 days so how am I supposed to pick her up at noon while I'm working? I guess that's something else I'll have to stress over now.

Trin

James in Toronto

James Blunt

I've just found out that James is playing at Massey Hall on March 21st and tickets go on sale this Friday at 10am! I never thought I'd be this excited on a monday morning...but somehow, among the cold high winds, flurries and lack of interest in being here at work, it has turned into a day of happiness!
Beside Def Leppard, he's a new artrist that I can really get into. His music touches me on an emotional and spiritual level as I'm sure it does for many people. I'm just surprised that he's back so quickly. After all, he was last playing in Toronto at the Mod in November of last year. I guess his fan base grew quickly since they've been playing his songs on the radio.

I think I'll be either bringing Stella (my sister) with me or going by myself. I don't think Danica will want to go with me to James' concert since she doesn't like him very much. I think it's because his songs make me cry...and she doesn't like seeing me cry.

I'm sure seeing him live will be one of the best concerts I'll ever attend. Can't wait until I get those tickets in my hands!

Trin

Session with Dr. Quack

The appointment to the therapist yesterday proved to be a waste of my time. I know it was my first session with this guy but you'd think by the end of it all he would have given me some advice, an outlook, something to think about, some friggen book to read....something that might have helped me! I was very disappointed leaving his office. Thoughts of him sitting there mocking me kept repeating themselves in my head.

I found Dr. Pupko to be cocky at times and a bit rude if you ask me.
I mentioned to him that my husband isn't the romantic type. "I don't think he ever was. Even before making love. " I said.
He said something along the lines of "You're setting yourself up for disappointment. If he wasn't ever romantic, then what makes you think he should be now?" ... Silence, looooong pause, and a deep breath as I restrain myself from hopping over his desk and choking him to the point of passing out....as I thought.... (Fucking typical man! They want sex but don't want to put in the effort!!). I said, "Well, the least he could do is try to be a little more romantic."

He went on about his psychobabble for about 10 minutes. Things I just had to tune out. He rambled on about how we think and how it affects our feelings and feelings affect our thinking....uggh! I pretended to be interested.
At the end of our session he says, "Ok, shall I book you in for next week ...same time?" and I said, "Well, does this have to be a weekly thing?" and he replied, "Well, that all depends on how depressed you are." That alone left me with a good enough reason not to see that quack again.

He's obviously looking for a "lifer" and Pete was right when he said, "All this guy wants is for you to fill his calendar so that he can earn his paycheck".

One good thing did come out of all of that though. He did get me thinking last night. I was thinking of how infatuation turns into friendship then friendship turns into love. I really do love Peter and after talking to him last night I felt that special bond between him and I, especially when he said "We'll fill out a calendar of events for us and maybe fill a jar with all our loonies and toonies so that we could save up for a trip." (It'll probably be next year until we take a trip but ....See? At least he's trying!)

Well, I'm back....well, at least my sanity is! lol Things are starting to look up for me again. Now, if I can only find a job that interests me so that I don't end up asleep on my keyboard....

Trin

The carb monster and I wishes....

I have been feverishly trying to control my cravings these past two days. It's Aunt Flow's time to visit this month and it's been taking all my energy not to eat anything and everything that isn't bolted down. Even though women suffer from PMS...you know, the irritability, cramps, water retention and such....I don't remember having this intense feelings of hunger before. I'm really hoping my lunch hour exercise session will help cause this is rediculous!

Pete has been worried about the whole situation with seeing this doctor. I finally got it out of him last night. He actually thinks that seeing this doctor will make me realize what a loser he is and dump him. Sheesh. Is this the way men actually think? I told him I was going so that he could help me and possibly give me some ways to help our marriage. He asked "Well, what if it doesn't work? Are you planning on calling it quits?"

I had to take a deep breath before reassuring him that that would never happen (as much as I sometimes think it will). Again I told him "People don't see therapists to make their relationships worse...they want to make it better and the only way I would ever leave is if you were not willing to make things any better between us." This morning I found a little love note in my lunch bag that made my heart go pitter patter. I've always said it's the little things that matter.

Sometimes, I think I should have been a therapist. Umm...now there's a thought. Do therapists have their own therapists or can they make an assesment of themselves? lol

Anyway, it seems as though the medication is starting to work. I no longer feel the need to drop myself in a big hole and cover myself up to the neck. I looked at my calendar last night and noticed that the next 3 weekends are going to be busy. Lenny's birthday party on Saturday (my nephew), the next weekend will be Valentine's day weekend and I've planned a CN Tower tour with lunch for the whole family (that should be fun) and the following weekend after that, I'm bombarded with a baby shower on the Saturday and a Bridal shower on the Sunday. Uggh,....all I see are money signs floating out of my purse. Anyone have a net?

I don't know what's wrong with me today. I feel like making a whole bunch of "I wishes". You know, that's when you make a whole list of things you wish you had or had become or want.
Here's a short list ...I'll probably end up adding on as the day goes on.

1. I wish I could go to hollywood and become a famous actor. (I could have been Ava Gardner in my previous life)
2. I wish I had a more interesting job and made more money. (My job is as interesting as being a sausage poker)
3. I wish I had more time to take a self defense class or martial arts class. (Then I could fully kick some ass)
4. I wish I had a bucket under my desk. (Comes in handy when bladder is full)
5. I wish I could fly a plane or helicopter. (I'd love to touch the sky)
6. I wish I had a better singing voice. (I could have been the next Canadian Idol)
7. I wish I didn't have to work so hard at losing weight. (Having a high metabolism and going diarrhea every hour does have it's advantages....right Pete?)
8. I wish I were taller. (Then I wouldn't need to lose weight)
9. I wish I had a Tim Horton's coffee. (Double double with milk and sweetener please?)
10. I wish I had never thought of this list to begin with.

Err...it's not too much to ask. Is it?

Trin