Ain't getting any better...
I'm at a loss.
Last month all we did was argue. This month seems like a repeat of last month and things aren't getting any better. Well, our bedroom door can't get any worse since he has already put two holes in it. I'm not surprised with his outbursts of anger anymore.
He's just lucky it was the door and not my face. Or should I say, I'M the one who's lucky....? Just another constant reminder of his tantrums.
I'm getting bitter about the fact that he can do whatever he wants but as soon as I do the same thing, he gets into this power struggle with me. He doesn't make time for me anymore because he's excited about taking the car to the track and I'm feeling neglected. I told him so last night.
Am I just getting him back? I suppose I am. Sometimes I think giving him a little of his own medicine is the only way he'll actually "get it".
I've decided not to go to Pinks All Out with him this weekend. After the talk we had about the last time I came with the kids, I've decided that from this day onward I'll never be going with him again. EVER. Of course, I didn't tell him that directly. I get this burning feeling that he doesn't want me there, even though he tells me he does (without the kids of course because they are supposedly the reason why I don't give him the attention he wants when they're with me). Ahh...the infamous EGO!
Well, I go for different reasons. I go to spend time with him. A day out with the family. I go because we do absolutely nothing else together. I'm making an effort! He apparently goes with one thing on his mind. Making his car run faster. Hence, the rudeness and lack of smiles when I am there.
Now, I'm thinking....why should I put in the effort if he doesn't? This relationship isn't a one way street! I expect him to at least take an interest in doing something with me.
It's like he has blinders on. His path is one dimensional right now and I'm feeling cheated.
You know....I think this "lack of attention" is the main reason why people cheat on each other.
Trin
posted by Trinity @ 8:35 AM
1 Comments:
Hi Trin. You may not remember me, but I used to post on the Eros cafe msg board with you and Walk. I am Mrstxn. I have been reading your posts (I found you through an image search trying to track Chris down. We were talking regularly, and then it just stopped. Yes it is strange how things work)Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I have an idea of how you are feeling. I am no longer living in texas as my relationship became physically abusive and I had to leave for my own sanity and preservation. Having no friends due to the isolation my ex made sure I suffered, my family sent me enough money to get my butt home. But prior to the violent aspect of the relationship, there was the emotional and mental abuse, and reading your posts brings back LOTS of memories. I hate to say it girl, but it sounds like your man is that way inclined too. Making YOU feel inadequate because of his feelings of inadequacy. It took me three years of really good counselling before I was able to get out. And he WAS my soulmate. I have never, and expect to never again, love anyone to the extent that I loved him. And I know he loved me incredibly deeply too, but it wasn't enough, and just because you meet your soulmate, doesn't mean that they will be good for you. lol I am now satisfied with being in a loving relationship with someone that trusts and respects me, and someone who is happy within himself. He doesn't NEED me to constantly pander to him to prove the extent of my love. And, ultimately, someone that does, drains you of all that you have to give. They break your heart, because after being an absolute bastard, for days, weeks on end, they will give you what you need for an instant, and that will keep you hooked for more days, weeks, months while you are forced to suffer their insecurities and inadequacies once more, draining you of your essence. Stay vigilant, and don't give it all away, as some day you may need it to heal yourself. After almost 18 months, I am still healing and replaying things in my mind to reassure myself that I couldn't do anything differently to make things better. Anyway, if ever you want to contact me, my email addy is alongbine@yahoo.com Feel free anytime
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