Bland life...exciting book...

What's been going on?
Too many things to list and not enough time to list 'em.

Thanks to Amanda I've decided to write again.
Reading my past post I can honestly say these past 2 months or so haven't been the easiest. The Pinks All Out event? I went. It was a disaster just as I predicted it would have been. Peter's obsessed with nothing more than his car and the track.

I'm trying to analyze myself instead of him though. Why am I so angry with him? Disappointed? Is it because I'm jealous that his friends spend more time with him than I do? Is it because he spends money on his car without even thinking about saving it for a vacation for us? Is it because we have nothing in common? Is it because of our impending debts? Or is it because I need a hobby and stay out of his?

He has said that I'm trying to change him...that his hobby has nothing to do with me but ...it does. Doesn't it? If he didn't have this obsession, would he spend more time with me? With our family? Fixing up the house?

I've come to realise after months of arguing that this problem won't go away on it's own. It has unwelcomely branched out into other problems between us that I can't seem to solve. And, neither can he. I'm just glad that there hasn't been any reoccuring violent behaviour...err, except the one night I had to load up the kids in the car and drive off for 2 hours because of his temper and the thought of him blowing off the handle (at the kids) really frightened me.

I've finally convinced him to see a couple's councelor. This ...the last attempt at keeping our relationship together. It was an untimatum. I've made the appointment with a male councelor (his demand) in two weeks. Male because I suppose he thinks his behaviour will be less likely to be scrutinized. He did add that he'd walk right out if this councelor starts "preaching" to him about his car.
Needless to say, I've already started looking around for an alternate living arrangement.

On an upnote, have you read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer yet? Don't wait until the movie comes out. Too good not to soak in every detail of this story.

I hate to say it but I shouldn't be reading these books. Although I love them dearly, I get so immersed in them that I start believing that every man should be like Edward. Romantic, charming, protective, thoughtful, chivalrous......perfect. And when they aren't, I hate them for it.
I know it's wrong to expect your other half to be perfect. No body's perfect but is it wrong to believe you deserve more than you settled for? Is it wrong to want more out of love? Out of life?

I'll have to admit. I'm a very passionate person. It's an "I'd rather have it all or nothing" way of thinking. I think though after years of giving and not getting anything in return, I've become numb. So much so that I've stopped trying to look for those behaviours because even if and when I did find them they're be bland in comparision. So much so that I've stopped giving because the outcome would be nothing but disappointment.

I think too much for my own good.
Trin