Icky feelings...

Gee wiz. I can't believe I haven't written anything in here since November of last year!

I think about it sometimes. Writing. But then it gets too busy around me and I kind of push it off for another day. Then that "other" day becomes another day, then another.

Since that awful post last November, I've managed to get my relationship between Peter and I on a much better level. He's been in a better frame of mind regarding work and home. Especially now that spring is here and he's really looking forward to summer fun with his car at Cayuga Speedway.

I, on the other hand, have had loads of fun attending concerts with Danica and my sister Stella. Not only famous bands but friends from high school who play their own gigs, who've miraculously turned up on facebook.

Dave and his band Muffin for example are still playing small bars around the city. Dave's always been like a brother to me and I love watching him play with his bandmates. Never a problem there and Pete's very accomodating as well by taking care of the kids while I go out.

Then there's Gene. He's the guy who I had a crush on in high school. He never knew it of course but...I did. He's now playing with his dad in small venues like Raxx and R&R Heaven. It's like magic watching him play. But, it also brings back old feelings of jealousy. Why jealousy? Well, when I'm on facebook and I look at pictures of him and Michelle (his wife), it reminds me of the time I saw him with his pretty, blonde girlfriend in the mall and all I can think of was that......... he'd never go out with someone like me. I had really low self esteem as a teenager. Thoughts like that were the norm for me.

Not a pleasant feeling, which makes me wonder if I should continue attending his gigs and going on his facebook page. After all, why wouldn't you try to avoid feeling those "icky" feelings if you had the choice. Right?

On the other hand, we're both married now. Both with families. I'm an adult, damnit! And, it's rediculous that I would feel this way after all these years especially because nothing....NOTHING ever happened between us back then. It's not like we ever went out or he's my EX or anything! We were only friends even though I can't help but wonder if he ever felt the same about me.

Stupid, huh? lol

His next gig is this Friday.

Trin