More talks....

Why do I feel awful?

I spoke to Pete last night about his controlling behaviour and ...yes, I called it abuse. At first he was furious. He literally threw the phone at me yelling to call 911 because he's "abusing me". He was going to storm out and Danica started crying. (God! I hate it when we get into these arguements in front of the kids. Even when I point out that we should stop because the kids are being affected, he doesn't).
I decided after a shouting match, some reasoning, to show him the website where it describes the feelings associated with a controller...an abuser and how their victims feel. He came back quietly and sat down and the first thing he said was, "I don't do ALL those things." Then he slouched in his chair and played the martyr. He kept sarcastically saying he must be a terribly bad person and that he doesn't deserve anything. I knew he was making me feel guilty about the whole subject and was doing a very good job of it because now ...I feel like shit.

I knew it had to be done and I give thanks to my guides for giving me the strength to let it all out but I just felt so empty inside. I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted him to realize what he was doing to me and how wrong it was. I want him to change.

Could I be wrong? I'm now questioning if I'm the one who's wrong...that maybe he just cares and is overly worried about me. He's a jealous man and some would say that it's because he loves me. I know he loves me.

He woke up early this morning. He didn't say anything to me. He sat at the table with his hands on his head and sulked. I'm sure he's afraid I'm going to leave him even though I told him I'm staying. I want to help him. I explained that I feel like I'm someone who has just told and convinced that their loved one is an alcoholic and needs help. I don't know whether he's in denial or upset because I've found this out and it's going to have to change. ??

He's afraid of the change.
I wonder how far he'll go before this all explodes in my face.

Trin