I'm Free!

It feels like I've been liberated! I'm finally able to breath some fresh air and many sighs of relief after yesterday.

Pete and I got into one of the biggest arguements ever.
I've always been afraid to speak to him about what I really want, where I really want to go and who I want to go with. Well, I'm making waves baby and quite proud of myself for no longer having to lie about things so that I wouldn't worry him, make him feel insecure or get myself into a heated match with him. That's no longer going to happen.

It's like I was filled with confidence and strength and accepted that anything could happen. I wasn't afraid of the consequences for once in my life. I believe my spirit guide has helped me by giving me the courage to "come clean", start enjoying my life and live it to the fullest instead of hiding who I really am.

He was ready to leave after I had told him about Maia and that Stella didn't come with me to the concert. I told him that he'd better think about what he was doing before doing it. I shouldn't have threatened but I knew it was needed for him to stay and talk to resolve this issue (if we could ever find a resolution, that is). He went on about the lying and deception and how he could never trust me and I constantly repeated how much he meant to me and having to put more worries on his shoulders than necessary. I also mentioned how belittled I felt when I couldn't do the things I had wanted or why I couldn't make friends with anyone because of him and his lack of trust in me. Talking to him about my wishes was either a choice between lying to him in order to keep the peace or telling him the truthand making waves. I'm choosing to make waves now whether he likes it or not. He can't have it both ways. God knows I love him and we're in this life together for the long haul but there's no damn way I'm going to let him make me feel like I'm not living anymore.

Anyway, to make the story short, we've resolved that issue. He has explained to me how he worries about me going downtown alone. He's afraid for me and I understand his concern but at the same time I've explained how I'm really not "living" if I don't experience the things that I feel so passionately about. The night ended with a mutual and respectful understanding toward each other and I'm happy to say I haven't felt this free in years. I've been a coward and now feel as though I can jump mountains. I no longer have to hide! My inner child can come out to play!

Even though the waves may climb (which I'm sure they will when all my other little secrets are revealed), rest assured that I'll emerge a stronger, better person for it....with or without him.

Finally free,
Trin