I May Be Retarded.

No disrespect for those of whom are mentally ill but something is wrong with me.

I'm seriously thinking of getting a small tattoo. I don't know what is possessing me to want one. I could just be going through a mid-life crisis.

As of late, I've been thinking of ways to hold on to my youth and I can't for the life of me figure out why. My getting older never bothered me before. I think I look great for my age. It's a natural process that I've always embraced....until now.

I'm not afraid of growing older. I realize that death is inevidable but at the same time, as the years go by, the actual numbers on the cake seem to disgust me. At the same token I don't feel like I'm special anymore. I want to feel as though there is something original...something about me that no one else has. I think that's why I've been thinking of a tattoo.

I've never had anything against people who've had them done but I don't really like it when guys cover whole arms and backs with them. And, personally, I think it's pointless to have a tattoo if you put if where no one else can see it. I mean....isn't that the whole point of body art? Something small and significant on my wrist is good enough for me. I found a really simple one of the Sun, Moon and a Star which I really liked. In fact both Pete and the kids picked that one out of about 7 or 8 that I've showed them.

Speaking of which...Pete wasn't too happy about the idea of me getting a tattoo. He just thinks it's a waste of money. He also wanted to know the real reason of why I wanted one. He automatically thinks someone put me up to it or that I'm doing it for some stupid reason but when I explained to him what I've explained here, I think he (strangely) understood.

Mom is going to freak when she finds out but by that time, it's too late to complain...right?

Am I fucked? Is this a phase? Should I give this a bit more time?
I am 36yrs old. I can make my own decisions! Why should I be afraid of what anyone would say? I'm not some stupid kid who wants one because she thinks it's "cool".

To me, it's more like jewelery that I'll never lose or break....and I've broken and lost too many to cry over.
I should take the plunge. Yeah. I think will.
I'm calling the place right now.

Trin